My future child is not a sweater

If the title of this post has already made you confused let me explain...

I am often asked about why we chose to adopt from Russia.  People are shocked when they hear how much it costs and they can't believe we wouldn't go the more "affordable" route by adopting through foster care or domestically.  I understand that the "cost" of adoption is a big deal.  After all, we are the ones trying to raise almost $45,000.  So the cost is a big deal to us too.

The difference is that we didn't go into adoption looking for an "affordable" child.  It's not always like shopping for a sweater and trying to find the best deal.  Hence the name of this post.  I'm all for finding a deal.  For those of you who know me, you know this is true to the fullest extent.  But sometimes there are things in life that this doesn't apply to.  Adoption CAN be one those.

The truth is that children need families.  That's the bottom line.  So if your financial situation in life limits where and how you can adopt then I understand.  But sometimes God calls you to something that's beyond your means and capabilities.  Not because he wants you to suffer under the pressure and stress but because He wants you to trust him to do something miraculous.

We see this in the Bible when God tells a guy named Joshua to walk around a fortified city wall and blow on some instruments to make the walls fall down.  Not a great military strategy if you ask me but God knew what He was doing.  Just read Joshua 6 and tell me that doesn't sound crazy.

If that doesn't strike you as weird how about the time He told Gideon that He would hand over the Mideonites but only if he would get rid of most of his army and go in with 300 men.  To make it even more "God style" Gideon and his men just needed to stand around the camp, break some pitchers and blow their horns and the whole camp would go into panic and undo themselves.  Gideon and his men just got to watch.  It's in Judges 7, trust me.

In both of these stories God called these men to something bigger then they could have imagined and they had to make a decision.  They had to decide to obey God or follow logic.  They chose to be obedient and God was more than faithful to come through for them.

Lenski and I started this process by WANTING to adopt domestically.  Not because of affordability but because we heard that there is a need for families willing to adopt children of other races.  So we set out on that path.  We had all the money we would need for that.  But God came in and turned things upside down like He often does.  He called us to something that seems beyond our reach.  But we had to decide if we would trust Him and be obedient or make the "good financial" decision and stay in the USA.  Despite the fear that came from looking at the numbers we decided to go with Russia.  And I'm so glad we did.  We've been able to see God work in miraculous ways.  Now it's time you see it too.  Here's what he's done in just 4 months:

$4,160 has been sent to us as donations
$361 in change has been collected and donated
$1,098 was made by selling things people gave to us
$500 was given to us by a church unexpectedly (They struggle to pay their bills)
$398 has been raised and donated by our 8 year old cousin
$200 was given to Lenski as part of an award he won (Lenski's never won an award like this)
$760 has been miraculously refunded to us from our mortgage, gas and insurance companies
$2,360 was raised at a 3 day garage sale selling items you donated to us
$550 is how much Lenski will make from speaking engagements that he was unexpectedly asked to do

That alone is $10,387 and that's not even the total amount we've raised.  It also doesn't include the fundraisers that are coming up or grants we intend to apply for.

I am so thankful that we heard God's calling and responded with obedience instead of listening to our fears.  What an amazing thing it is to see God working in such crazy ways.

Becoming a multi-cultural family

Lenski and I often forget that we are an inter-racial couple.  It just never really occurs to us.  Ok, maybe it does when Lenski's skin is so nice and tan and I look more like a ghost but normally it doesn't cross our minds.  As we prepare for our future child one of the things we've had to think about is how we will parent cross culturally.  We've read a lot about this subject and here's some key things we wanted to share with you.

• Knowing something about child care practices, sleeping arrangements, toileting and hygeine, discipline, and even how children were carried takes on special importance when everything a child is experiencing is new and unfamiliar.
• Families can incorporate artifacts into their home and their new child's own space that reflect his/her culture.  
• Experimenting ahead of time with foods which will be familiar to the child is another way to feel connected.
• One mother stressed the importance of learning some minimal survival phrases and words such as: I'll be back; I am your mamma/papa; no; yes; I love you; food/eat; stop; come here; show me where it hurts; toilet.
• A person's ethnic identity is a person's sense of belonging to an ethnic group.  Ethnic identity is drawn from the realization that part of one's thinking, perceptions, feelings, and behaviors are consistent with those of the members of that ethnic group.  An adopted child has lost important ways of connecting with his/her ancestors and with contemporaries with whom he shares ethnicity.  
• If internationally adopted children are going to grow up with a cultural awareness of their ethnic groups, they will need to be part of communities in which those cultural values are transmitted.  
• The goal is to raise a child who can identify and interact with people of his own ethnic group and not be embarrassed to have been raised by white parents.
• The goal is for the child to appreciate his ethnic and cultural heritage enough not to feel alienated from others with the same heritage and to want to explore it and draw on it.  
• Culture camp can be an excellent experience for internationally adopted children.  It brings together children who have had a common experience not shared by most people.

These tidbits are from some of the books we've read.  It's really important to us to communicate with our child that we value their culture and that we hope they will too.  We are not wanting to "Americanize" a child although we understand that will be difficult NOT to do since we live in America.  

Sometimes people don't understand why Americans want to adopt children from other countries.  They think that we feel we need to "rescue" their children.  This can create animosity about international adoption.  Please pray for us as we continue this process.  We do not want to send the wrong message to people and we could use your prayers in that matter.  We would also love prayer for wisdom.  Wisdom to know how to parent cross culturally.  It's a big and very important task.  

We are excited about parenting cross culturally.  We only hope and pray that we do it well.  

Mean what you say and say what you mean

These days it's not uncommon to hear someone call another person retarded or even to refer to an event or thing as such.  We use it interchangeably with the word stupid or dumb.  But what does that mean for those who are developmentally challenged or delayed?  Does that mean that they're stupid or dumb?  Of course that's never what we mean but the fact remains that our words are powerful and they can communicate more than what we'd like.  What does this have to do with our adoption?

Adoptive parents and children are subjected to something similar.  As Lenski and I continue to learn more about adoption we want to share it with you, our "village", as a way to help us all grow and be better prepared for this change in our lives.  The truth is that many of you will be part of this child's life and the words you use will impact them.  So let's choose them wisely and really think about what we're saying.  We've been given a great list of positive and negative ways to use adoption terms and we'd like you to take a look:

Positive Language                                                            Negative Language
Birth Parent                                                                        Real Parent
Biological Parent                                                                Natural Parent
Birth Child                                                                          Own Child
Born to unmarried parents                                                  Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights                                                    Give up
Make an adoption plan                                                       Give away
To parent                                                                            To keep
Waiting child                                                                      Adoptable child; Available child
Parent                                                                                 Adoptive parent
Intercountry adoption                                                         Foreign adoption
Child placed for adoption                                                   Unwanted child
Court termination                                                                Child taken away
Child with special needs                                                     Handicapped child
Child from abroad                                                               Foreign child
WAS adopted                                                                      Is adopted

We understand if some of these are easier than others.  Lenski and I are also working on this shift.  But we all need to remember that words not only describe, they evoke feelings and that can be positive or negative.  Since we want to celebrate adoption and recognize it as the positive option it is we want our language to reflect that.  We hope that you will join us.

What can a garage sale do?

This past weekend Lenski and I had our Adoption fundraiser / garage sale.  I've done plenty of garage sales in my life.  I used to have huge ones when I was the youth pastor at Frontline Community Church.  I've helped friends and family have them.  And I've had some just for myself.  But none quite compare to this one.  If you're wondering how a span of 3 days of selling other peoples unwanted items can be this significant let me share with you just what a garage sale can do...

1. It can obviously raise A LOT of money - We raised over $2,300 in just 3 days!  That's a huge chunk of our next big payment to the adoption agency.
2. It can bring the adoption community together in a unique way - We met so many people who have been touched by adoption.  There were some who shared their story of BEING adopted while others have already adopted and were starting the process for another.  Still there were some who were just getting started and were intrigued by this fundraiser idea.  We connected, we cried, we related and most importantly...we understood each other.  
3. It can bring families together - No, I'm not talking about the actual adoption.  We had family that drove a long way really early in the morning just to help us get set up.  Then they chose to stay and suffer through the blistering heat ALL DAY to help us run it.  We had other family that came from another state just to help us!  Not only did they come to help with the sale but they brought items for the sale, treated us to dinner, cooked us dinner and celebrated this journey with us.  These were meaningful days with such precious family members.  Watching teenagers give up their time to come and help is moving, really moving.
4. It can be a friends reunion - Friends we hadn't seen in awhile or don't normally get to see all dropped by to encourage and support us.  It was so good to see so many friendly faces.
5. It can bless others - Even though this sale was for our adoption we decided to give all of the remaining items to our friends so they too can have an adoption fundraiser sale at the end of the summer.  So you may not think that box of "junk" you dropped off can really do much but it is actually helping to bring 3 children to their forever families.

A garage sale can and did do a lot.  It was hard work and we were not alone.  There were so many people who came to our rescue and helped us with the sale.  We couldn't have made it without ALL of you.  And it couldn't have been such a success without lots of you dropping by to pick up a few things and leave a very BIG donation.  To all of you we humbly say thank you.

Get to know our child

As many of you are following our adoption story we thought we'd prepare you as we are being prepared by helping you get to know our future child.  Here are some things you should know.

• Our child has just been born or has been within the last 6 months.
• Our child's birthparents made a very hard and brave decision to terminate their parental rights.  They need our prayers for healing.
• Our child will be placed in a Baby Home or Dom Rebienka.  This is for children under 4 years old.
• Anyone in the region of the Baby Home will have the opportunity to adopt him/her until they are 6 months old.
• When they are older than 6 months they are placed on a list for anyone in all of Russia to adopt.
• Around the time they turn 11-12 months they will be able to be adopted by us.
• The Baby Home they live in will not have a lot of color in it to help keep all the children calm.  They may be overwhelmed by all the colors in our house...especially our red couches.
• They are under very close medical observation while in the baby home and have daily developmental activities.
• It is unlikely that our child will have any personal toys and therefore may not be used to the typical American child's toy chest.
• All their daily routines will be in a group setting with the other children in the home.  They may feel overwhelmed to come to our house where all the attention is just on them.
• They may have dark hair and dark eyes and come from a gypsy background.  Or they could have blonde hair and blue eyes.  This will vary depending on the region.
• Because there are many children in the Baby Home our child will not have a lot of one on one attention given to them and so they may have developmental, social and/or psycho social delays.  But most kids pick things up very quickly when they are in there forever homes.

These are just some of the things that we are learning about our child and we thought you might like to know them as well.  As we learn more we'll be sure to share with you.  Please be praying for our child as this is a traumatic experience in their life.  It has the potential to really scar them.  We ask that you pray for every aspect of their life.  Even thought they are little they have suffered the loss of hearing their biological mother's heartbeat and her voice.  This is the beginning of their trauma and we pray for healing.  We also want to pray for their birthparents.  We do not know the circumstances of their life but we do know that this could not have been an easy thing to do.  

It Takes A Village

When Lenski and I started preparing for the adoption process we sent out a letter to friends and family.  Maybe you received one of these or maybe you read it on this blog.  In the letter we shared the details of how much the adoption would cost and invited people to join us in this.  We talked about how it was very similar to the TV commercials you see asking for your monthly support to help children around the world.  Except this time you would actually be able to meet this child and see how their life would change.

When we wrote this letter we never imagined that our little cousin would embrace this idea so much and become one of our biggest supporters.  Her name is Ally and she is 8 years old.  She lives in Indiana with her family.  We don't get to see her and her family often enough but they have been a huge source of encouragement.  When Ally found out that we were adopting from Russia she decided to decorate a container and label it "Pennies for Primos".  Primo is cousin in Spanish.  So she started her own little fundraiser for us.  According to her mom she is always trying to sell things to make some money to give to us.  She is also driving up with her family to help us out with our garage sale. (June 14-16) She (and her family) have blessed us so much.

You might not think that one little girl could do much but...the day Lenski and I were leaving to go out of town we got a check in the mail from Ally's fundraising.  It was a check for over $45!  She had collected that much change in April alone!  We were stunned to say the least.

We love the saying, "It takes a village".  Well, children are always part of the village.  Maybe we just aren't giving them enough credit.  So here's to you Ally!  Thank you for all that you've done and all that you're still doing to help bring home your new little cousin.  We love you.

Why am I surprised when God shows up?

I've been a Christian long enough to know that God loves to swoop in with crazy plans that always work and make everything just right.  So why is it that I still get surprised by it?  I know it's going to happen but when it does I'm left stunned.  I think I missed a class on this in church or something.

And so the story goes with this adoption process.  I know God has this under control.  I'm even unusually calm about all of it.  I just have a strong peace about it.  And yet...I still get surprised.

As most of you know we recently turned in our formal application to begin the adoption.  With the application we had to turn over $3,900.  We had raised a little over $3,000 by the time the day came to turn it in.  Obviously a little shy of what was needed.  But we weren't worried.  The day came and Lenski left early in the morning to take a trip.  I got up and did my usual thing with quite a bit of extra excitement.    I couldn't wait to turn in the application.  But before I could I had stuff to do.  I gathered up everything I needed for the day and hopped in the car.  My first stop was the bank to deposit the money to cover the check.  Even though we hadn't raised all the money and still don't know how we'll pay for all the fees, I was more than calm...I was ecstatic.  So I was about to pull out of the drive way when the mailbox caught my eye.  I figured I might as well check it since I wouldn't be home until later in the afternoon.  I hopped and walked over to.  When I opened it up I saw a card from a friend of ours.  I thought to myself, "That's such sweet timing to get a card in the mail."  We had received some other cards with such encouraging thoughts that I assumed this would be the same...which it was.  But as I opened the card up to read it a check fell out.  I thought, "Oh, how sweet of them to send a check and on such a perfect day."  I set it aside and read the card first without looking at the check.  What a blessing the card alone was.  We keep them all and read them from time to time.  Then I figured I should look at the check.  As I opened it up I couldn't believe my eyes...it was written out for $1,000 dollars!  I bust out laughing.  Probably not the normal response but I just couldn't help myself.  God decided to swoop in and make everything more than alright.

The great thing about this story is that our friends couldn't have known that their card would arrive when it did.  They couldn't have known that I would check the mail RIGHT BEFORE HEADING TO THE BANK!  It was God...swooping in once again.  And all I could do was laugh...the rest of the day.

To all of you who have given to us whether it's been through encouraging words, donations, change, coffee purchases or more...you are being God's hands and feet not only to us but to a little one that none of us even know yet.  You are already impacting a child's life.  Thank you.  May God bless you richly.