To Buy or To Make - Why Adoption

The stereotype is this - If you can't have a baby yourself then you can always adopt.

Most people see no problem with this statement. The truth is most people don't even think much about a sentiment like that. Isn't that what adoption is for? For families that couldn't make it happen themselves? I know, I know. That's not what people are saying. But if you stop and think about the implications of the above statement...it kinda is.

When Lenski and I started talking about having a family we talked about how many kids we wanted, what we thought they'd look like, made up funny stories about how they'd turn out like Lenski and...that we definitely wanted to adopt. Not a lot of people know this. We weren't trying to keep it a secret or anything. People were just so excited that we were ready to start trying that the focus fell on having biological children. It didn't bother us really because we figured we might as well try the old fashioned way first before we figure out how to afford adoption. Then things went the way the often do.

We did all the usual trying procedures. Did lots of tests and saw lots of doctors. Heck, my dad even offered Lenski a picture book to make sure he knew what he was doing (he was joking). But in the end we were told that it is VERY unlikely that we will ever have biological children. It took us awhile to come back from that. But when we did we felt there was no point in waiting anymore and we might as well get started with the adoption process.

This is the part of the story that many friends and family have gotten wrong. We DIDN'T choose to adopt BECAUSE of infertility. We had already made that choice when we decided to have a family. The only thing that changed was timing. Getting pregnant when neither of you are working is fine. Nobody can tell you you're not allowed to do that. Adopting, however, is very different. And we were told we couldn't get started until one of us had a job. Which meant we would have to wait until Lenski was out of school and found a job. We were crushed. But thankfully, God had other plans and we are ready to start the process.

I share this with you because I'd like to clear up some misconceptions about our journey and our view on adoption. Here are some things you need to know:

1. The money we are spending on adoption would not be better spent on trying to fix our infertility. If it's going to happen it's going to be by God's hand...and that's just the way we like it.
2. Yes, this adoption is very expensive. It's about as expensive as one of your cars, a down payment on your house, college tuition and more. But just as those things have value...so does our future child and there's no amount of money that would be too much to give that child the opportunity to know love and a better life.
3. Adoption is NOT and was NOT our plan B. It was always part of plan A for our family.
4. We believe strongly in orphan care not just adoption. We believe we are commanded to take care of them in scripture.

The author of one of my favorite books, Red Letters, wrote a blog post on scriptures that talk about caring for the orphan. If you'd like to check it out please click here. I would encourage you to do so to understand where we're coming from.

We apologize to anyone who is saddened that we're not trying more for biological children. Please understand that to us children are children, no matter how they come to you. We hope that when we finally bring home our child you will be able to give him or her the same kind of love you would if we had brought them home from the hospital. They will need it just as much and so will we.

If you still have questions or concerns please feel free to contact one of us. We would be happy to sit and chat with you.