Mean what you say and say what you mean

These days it's not uncommon to hear someone call another person retarded or even to refer to an event or thing as such.  We use it interchangeably with the word stupid or dumb.  But what does that mean for those who are developmentally challenged or delayed?  Does that mean that they're stupid or dumb?  Of course that's never what we mean but the fact remains that our words are powerful and they can communicate more than what we'd like.  What does this have to do with our adoption?

Adoptive parents and children are subjected to something similar.  As Lenski and I continue to learn more about adoption we want to share it with you, our "village", as a way to help us all grow and be better prepared for this change in our lives.  The truth is that many of you will be part of this child's life and the words you use will impact them.  So let's choose them wisely and really think about what we're saying.  We've been given a great list of positive and negative ways to use adoption terms and we'd like you to take a look:

Positive Language                                                            Negative Language
Birth Parent                                                                        Real Parent
Biological Parent                                                                Natural Parent
Birth Child                                                                          Own Child
Born to unmarried parents                                                  Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights                                                    Give up
Make an adoption plan                                                       Give away
To parent                                                                            To keep
Waiting child                                                                      Adoptable child; Available child
Parent                                                                                 Adoptive parent
Intercountry adoption                                                         Foreign adoption
Child placed for adoption                                                   Unwanted child
Court termination                                                                Child taken away
Child with special needs                                                     Handicapped child
Child from abroad                                                               Foreign child
WAS adopted                                                                      Is adopted

We understand if some of these are easier than others.  Lenski and I are also working on this shift.  But we all need to remember that words not only describe, they evoke feelings and that can be positive or negative.  Since we want to celebrate adoption and recognize it as the positive option it is we want our language to reflect that.  We hope that you will join us.